Well it has been a while since I wrote anything here. Over a month. And it has been a month of upheaval and stress: I started a new job, searched for a place to live in New York City (a nightmare), and moved. Thank God for good friends.
I lost my rhythm of writing. I fell away. I fell into a period of spiritual silence.
How does one find their way out of a period of aridity and seclusion? How can we reconnect with our God and begin to listen for His voice again?
Prayer.
“Prayer is the very heart of the life of faith.” – Thomas Merton
For me, the act of writing is intimately bound up with my act of prayer. I pray before during and after writing. I relax and try to get my ego self out of the way. I try to silence that nagging and frightened part of me, the small part of me which is interested in what you think of me, of what you think of my words. Do you know that part of yourself? How often does it get in god's way? In your way?
Prayer allows me to silence that voice and listen for the voice of Christ who is my way, my truth, and my life. Prayer is both active and passive, it is both gift and reception.
“In the morning, while it was still very dark, he got up and went out to a deserted place, and there he prayed.” Mark 1:35
The most difficult part of prayer, the part which is at once total gift and total effortless preparation is the part of silence. I ask; then I wait on God. I offer myself and invite God in by clearing away all that which leaves no room for grace. I ask for resentment to be removed, I ask that I be forgiven, and that I have the courage to forgive. I breath deeply and express gratitude for the gifts of this life, and even for the difficult lessons I may learn through trials. Sometimes I do a little complaining and get things off my chest. But I engage. The Lord’s prayer is a great way to pray.
Sometimes I just have to get up and do it. Just like this blog entry. I had to write in order for it to be written. Simple.
In order to pray, I have to pray. Seems so simple, but sometimes it also seems so hard to just do! Instead of reading another book about prayer and meditation, I have to pray and meditate.
Try it. You may be surprised.
3 comments:
Flux,
I was relieved to see another one of your writings. I was a little worried about you bro. I hope everything is leveling out now. I can relate to the spiritual stillness and silence you are referring too. I go through the same thing. It's because of my own spiritual complacency due to laziness. I always believe it is going to get me by longer than it does. This last week I have experienced the most intense spiritual attack that I have ever faced in my life. I think it is a combination of things. One the spiritual silence, and two being in preparation to go to Africa to do God's Will. And it was through prayer and arming myself with God's Word that gave me victory. I copied Ephesians 6:10-20 and taped it to my bathroom mirror. I feel strong again! The firry darts are bouncing off. My purpose driven life is coming alive and the fear and the lies are being crushed by the Truth. I almost went down, I almost believed the lie. Because of this experience I feel that God is leading me to something big. I feel HE is going to use me in ways I never imagined and the enemy is really trying to stop that. Thank God for Christ, who opened up the door to the truth that sets the captives Free!
Once again you hit the nail on the head. Thanks Friend.
So glad you are back. Don't go away again. your insights and your wisdom have become part of my spiritual journey. You were truly missed!
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